Mercy

This is part of the #NovemberNotes challenge, hosted by Sarah Doughty and Rosema. The song is Street Called Mercy by Hillsong United. Sorry about the hiatus – it’s been a rough month. I am not religious, but was able to feel my spirituality through this song.

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Source: geralt, CC0 via Pixabay

It was so dark that I couldn’t see an inch in front of my face. So cold that I curled into myself until my back ached, pulling my knees to my chest. Was this a dream? No, a nightmare … I didn’t have dreams anymore. I slept and I slept, but I was so tired …

“Are you alright?” a voice called out from the shadows. I ignored it.

“Hey, are you awake?” it asked again. It sounded so kind, so warm … yet instinctively, I pushed it away. I did not want to be awake. I wanted to sleep, so I wouldn’t be tired. I wanted to sleep, so I could forget everything else.

The voice came and went, like a distant howl. In and out, close and far, all at the same time. I didn’t trust it, couldn’t trust something so formless.

It snuck up on me in the dark, footsteps muffled by my sobs. How often had I come back to this place? Was there ever anywhere else? Was I ever someone else?

I could feel it here with me, in this place. It was a mixture of relief, and self-loathing.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, voice harsh. I wiped my cheeks dry with fervor. “What could you possibly want from me?”

A hand reached down and touched my shoulder, gentle. “I’ve always been here, waiting for you to see me. Is that something you would like to do now?”

“It’s too dark to see anything here,” I replied, logic creeping back. “I couldn’t see you even if I wanted to.”

“… Do you?” the voice whispered. “If you could, would you want to know me?”

I paused for a moment. It was so cold. I wanted … to know warmth.

Without another word, light began to fill this place, my place. Not lamplight, not firelight … but starlight. Blinking away tears, I saw myself floating … among the stars.

“Where are you?” I asked, frantic. “Where am I?”

“I am here, and everywhere,” the voice said. “You are here, and everywhere. I am the universe. And you … are the universe. Do you see us now? We are forever.”

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